I thought I’d revisit the topic of how individuals choose to handle their break-ups. I’ve always found it fascinating how people navigate the treacherous break-up landscape. For some, it’s a breeze, they seemingly jump from one ship to another without a hint of a scratch, while others like yours truly, are writing Shakespearean plays on love and tragedy hoping for a twisted Romeo and Juliette ending – yes I might do this (no shame in my game).
After a break-up, I always keep a running roster of people who I regularly contact so they can listen to me wail (I know which one of you purposely ignores me – I’ve been taking notes). The advice differs greatly from my male and female friends. My female friends who are emotionally in tune tell me it’s okay to eat the pizza, it’s okay to watch the Sex and the City episodes and it’s okay to cry and to cry a lot. They also tell me to take some time away from the dating world so that I can heal. Now my male friends on the other hand, they advise me to YOLO it out and to stick it to the loser. Basically, go out, live it up and keep it moving.
So, while talking to a guy friend about male psychology, he explained that in his group of friends he sees two distinct break-up patterns. The first are the men who temporarily withdraw from women, who want ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with us (IDFWU). Then, there are those who need mindless entertainment (if you can even call it that) to keep their minds fully occupied and to stop themselves from thinking about the girl. So this “entertainment” includes strip clubs, one night stands, casual partners, you know, the works. From what I’ve been told it gets your mind off of things and keeps you clear-headed, I meditate to achieve that but hey, potato, patato. They like to make it clear that they do not want anything serious at that time and they don’t want to have to think of you the next day – it ain’t that serious. One way to explain it is that men and women approach things differently, in that men can compartmentalize and having casual sex is like going to the gym where they sweat it out, increase all those feel good hormones that they need in that moment and then they move on to the next issue on their to-do list. Which is not to say that women don’t do that as well, I mean we can get a little lovin’ to distract us as well as needed.
I’ve asked myself if I could truly go buck wild after a relationship and I don’t think that I could. I am well aware of my limitations, and knowing how emotional I am (I’m a damn Cancer), this is very much one of them. I feel that acting like one of the boys, all blasé and “ish, would be detrimental to my person and would slow down the healing process rather than allowing it to take its normal course. I think what is of most important is knowing who you are and understanding how you best cope with heartache. Sometimes we’re so lost in the moment that we forget how we may feel in the near future (numerous boxes of pizza and twenty pounds later). What may feel good now may only hurt us more later. So, be kind to yourself, do what feels best for you (and you only) and woosah those emotions out.